Becoming Aware
I recently again realized the power of awareness for motivating change in my habits. I don’t remember the source, but I read somewhere that the average American picks up their phone 144 times a day (worldwide numbers are a huge range, from 55 to 205 times a day). This prompted me to check my own number, and it was much higher than I thought it would be. As I thought about why I was so unsettled by how much I pick up (and subsequently spend time on) my phone each day, I realized it wasn’t exactly about the number itself but about my reasons for picking it up.
When I use willpower alone to stop picking it up so much, the numbers drop since I often pick it up and didn’t even realize I was doing it. This habit was so ingrained that it had become largely automatic. Thoughtless pick-ups weren’t the only problem, though. Awareness of how much I pick up my phone a day also led me to think about the times I deliberately pick it up.
Tending to a text or email… I’m okay with that. Checking my To Do list … okay with that, too. Social media isn’t really an issue since I don’t have automatic notifications set for those. Plus, I already severely limit my time on the two accounts I do have because I know I’ll get distracted by them far too easily if I don’t.
What was my problem with deliberate phone pick-ups, then? Many of them were simply following errant thoughts that came into my head. Random questions that could wait. What’s the weather going to be like this weekend? How do I keep the rabbits from eating my Hosta? What book could I read after I’ve finished the three that I have? Not necessarily unimportant questions, but certainly ones I didn’t need to have answers for immediately and definitely not while I was in the middle of reading research for a project or editing for a client or doing my Bible study. I also didn’t need to check off reminders I’ve set for recurring tasks right away; that can wait until I have another reason to be on my phone.
What happens when I follow these random thoughts and give in to my compulsions? I tend to do something else that could wait and spend far too much time on my phone and less in sustained focused on the projects that truly matter to me.
You see, I have noticed recently that my ability for deep focus has diminished. I have become more easily distracted and less productive. Simple awareness of how much I pick up my phone led me to see the connection between my phone habit and how long I stay focused on anything else.
Challenging Myself
I’m personally challenging myself to reduce the number of times I pick my phone up in a day. You can join me if you want, of course, but I’m doing this if no one else does because I value my ability to focus. I refuse to let mindless habits keep me from delving deeply into topics and giving myself fully to projects. Quality and depth matter a lot to me.
Anyone who knows me realizes I’m not going to give up getting answers for the many questions that pop into my head, but I am going to consolidate them. I’m also going to stay available for connection. I’m just not going to allow things that can wait to have so much power over my focus.
This is something I need to do for my Comfortably Uncomfortable balance because I know what will happen if I don’t. I’ll go back to the days of atrophied focus with a width too big to manage, and I’ll again be consumed with overwhelm and overload. My longing for depth will turn back into just a desire because I’ve given it up once again for the shallows.
After I argued with myself about how my phone pick-up number is still below the average and how I’m much better with focus than I used to be, I remembered all the small steps I’ve taken to get where I am today. Ignoring my phone habit would mean going backwards – small steps can add up for big change in a negative way, too, after all – because as soon as I ignore one area of awareness, it’s much easier to ignore another. I need to follow the path of sticky change this awareness is pointing me toward.
Improving My Balance
Among other avenues, structure comes via our habits, both good and bad. As I wrote in Comfortably Uncomfortable, “building good habits and deconstructing ones that no longer serve us are at the heart of a foundation of comfort.” Additionally, habits are a good place to “start assessing and reflecting on how comfort and discomfort exist in our lives.”
I also wrote about how “looking at how habits work in our lives is not simply helpful” but “crucial” for finding and maintaining the right balance of comfort and discomfort. Regularly assessing our habits allows us to stay consistent and dependable while also leading us to sticky growth in healthy and sustainable ways.
It’s not about how I compare to others, either, but about what allows me to stay balanced and healthy. Others regularly help me see ways I can strengthen my balance, though.
Deconstructing my phone use habit will help me find a way to use my phone as a tool instead of as an appendage. Getting a little uncomfortable in this area means I will take steps toward the deeper life I’ve longed for since I was very young. A life of depth will become a consistent reality instead of a just-out-of-reach hope.
Reflection: What recent awareness might be pointing you toward adjusting a habit and finding improved balance?
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